What is enslaved mind? might be when your thoughts even start coming in the language that is foreign to you. When you feel more comfortable writing in other language?
Today this thought was what amazed me, that I was not even thinking in my language Urdu. That even when I am trying to write for myself words and sentences Urdu does not come naturally. For some time it has become exotic experience to write in urdu, making words into sentences like fresh new breadth.
It took me some time to notice whats going around, these sentences were not special, then why writing them is great experience. Its’ because they are becoming strangers to me.
When I am cursing my self, I am saying “Stupid, stupid stupid”, when I mess up “Shut” is the word I am saying (yes I know most of people say shit but it’s another story), and when I get done something “Yes!”, Thank God, Get ya,…. words come out in English.
Don’t take me wrong I love this language both of them infact, English and Urdu. What I feel uncomfortable about is that I think I do not even know English. Keats is just a name for me, Wordsworth is nothing more than “To the Daisy”, have not I read about “The Road Not Taken” in some urdu editorial during 9th grade I would have not known anything about Robert Frost.
Little parts of poems I know, verses I recite are things sung by Noor Jahan, Iqbal Bano,Kishore, Nusrat. Songs of happyness, songs of new season (Bahar Aae, Baghoon mean parhea jhoolea), songs of sadness, they are in Urdu. It’s when I freely flowing.
But unfortunately I think I also dont know even Urdu as I should.